Lyrical Chastity
by jules456
Summary: ..but when she looks up at me with a new bruise forming around her eye and her lips pursed together so tightly that her dimples appear, well, even then she is the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen. BRUCAS, Naley, Jeyton. A new spin on the old favs
1. if we cannot see

Hey, I'm back... its been a long hard year but i dont want any explaination now to get in the way with this story. Warning: mature themes. The T rating may only be temporary just to get it out there. It is an AU, but a realistic one, a possible one reflective of what it would be like had the early days of the gang had been different. This story is a must read. I'll get back to you soon. Please review. I'm back

xoxo Jules

LyricalChastity

Chapter 1: If we cannot see

If you look up _life _in the dictionary there seems to be a never ending inventory of meanings. Its weird to think about words, what they mean, what they don't. One person can call someone a bitch and get slapped in the face but when spoken to another the word could be understood an accolade. I am satisfied to say that there is very little that I am sure of in this word for what little I do know assures me that there are others who know far less. Honestly I find my self all too often regretting what I do know because it seems that none of it is good. The knowledge of this world doesn't let me rest easy at night, it doesn't restore any semblance of faith, and it does even less to instill any modicum of confidence in humanity.

What is it that do I know you ask?

_Mental or emotional suffering or torment :_

_**Pain**_

_Pain_ is what I see when I look into Peytons eyes and know that she is afraid of what little she has getting taken away from her

_Pain_ is what I see in Brooke every time that she strives to satisfy a man just to be justified.

_Pain _is what Nathan and Jake try to hide from the girls that silently depend on them so much.

_Pain_ is what Haleys wrists visibly represent.

_Pain_ is what I see in Rachels eyes when she looks in the mirror.

What else do I know?

_to regard with doubt or suspicion; have no trust in:_

_**distrust**_

Rachel was then unwanted product of a woman who once had been unwanted herself. To wake up everyday with the knowledge that you were nothing more than a mistake is much for a person to handle… even more for a defenseless little girl. As if the mere knowledge weren't enough she was constantly reminded by the verbal and physical assaults at the hands of her mother and grandmother. She was forced to live the burden of her own existence. Things like that undoubtedly shape you. As much as we don't acknowledge it, (for there is generally no need) we are all driven by our worth. But what happens when you believe that you have none? Do you therefore have no drive, or is the drive that you have directed elsewhere? Is it self destructive? Rachel would give her life for any of us. My hope is that one day she sees in herself what we all see in her. She is gorgeous and she means something. She has worth.

Nathans my brother. My twin. He and I have been through a lot. Nothing is good. Nothing I want to recall. I can still remember my dads hands clutching his neck. I still remember beating my defenseless fists on his back trying to get him to just let go! He wouldn't let go! … Its too much. I'll have to come back to it.

Then there is Peyton and Jake. They are two of a kind. They've stuck it out through thick and thin but now they're at a point where neither of them know what they want. Peyton is mad that Jake deals, Jake is mad that Peyton uses.

_She rolls the bill_

**use peyton use**

_He stands in the alley_

**deal jake deal**

_She wipes her nose and settles into her ecstasy_

**use peyton use**

_He ducks out of the light and shoves the bills in his pocket_

**deal jake deal**

_they fight_

_they yell_

_he deals_

_she uses_

_she cries_

**cry Jenny cry**

Jenny. The last thing that holds them together. The reason that they get up in the morning. The reason that the two of them just might make it. When Peyton got pregnant it took us all by surprise. It is disputed if Jenny had been drug exposed, but developmentally she is right on par. Jake is one of my best friends he is a good and honest guy that sincerely wants to make ends meet and do well by his daughter. Peyton is sweet and sensitive and beautiful … and angry… and unpredictable. But either of them without hesitation would give their own lives for that little girl. No questions asked.

Nobody really knows that much about Chris. He's from Maryland. Baltimore to be exact. He likes music. He likes girls. And like Peyton he likes cocaine. Skiing. White girl. Rocks. He likes it.

There was once a little girl who lived in a very big castle. She had servants and maid to tend to her every need. Although she had everything that she ever wanted she was trapped. Locked alone inside of her misery, her torment. Stolen from the childhood innocence of unicorns and fragile paper dolls at night she suffered. He snuck in through the shadows and took what he wanted. Over and over again he had her since her earliest memories. It was what she was good for. If she wouldn't give in she was denied. Denied food, denied company, denied the world. And so it went that the lone princess in the castle stayed blanketed by misery, humiliation, and perversion. Although she escaped if her white knight ever comes to save her he cannot undo what has been done. And so it goes the princess submits herself to degradation at the hands of men for only the glimpse of worth that she gets from a good . hard . fuck . This princess is known as Brooke. Brooke Davis.

Finally there is Haley James. The small girl with the big eyes. She wears scars this one wears wont go away. She wears them everyday everywhere so goes. Some are self inflicted provoked by memories that are too hard to deal with. Other scars, well their origin early in life is what provokes the memories. And thus the vicious cycle continues. She is scarred, but she loves wholly and fully this one. She is something special. She is my best friend.

We all share a small house in a run down part of Nevada right outside of Reno amidst the chaos of one another and a world that has swallowed us whole. I don't know how we all found each other, but I do know that we saved one another.

My name is Lucas Scott and I am eighteen years old. That's about it. I guess if I had lived as another person in another time in another place there would be more to say. I didn't, so now I can only tell you what I know. The truth, my truth may seem surreal, it may seem prompted by a never ending procession or tragedy and a satirical outlook of being that prompts the emergence of despair in my eyes… but at least its real.

So what does life mean? It seems the definitions offered by Webster are vague at first:

_the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual_

_the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence:_

But do you know what really surprised me? They go on to define life as

_resilience; elasticity_

_the force that makes or keeps something alive; the vivifying or quickening principle_

Reading those words brings me an odd solace. Someone else defines life as we do- overcoming affliction and hopefully we'll pull through. And when we do we will be wiser for it and then hopefully when I can see the good in myself I can begin to see it in that around me.

Thanks for your time. I'm not a dork, i respect art, all kinds... so with that being said this is in the memory of Heath Ledger. Life is short, do what you love. He made me realize that, so yes, i'm back.

its almost like a disease 


	2. if these shadows have offended

Chapter 2: If these shadows have offended

_"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking." - A . A Miline_

Today I was roused from my sleep by a sound more pleasant than most, is someone singing? Yawning I spread my heavy eyes plagued by the light that shone through the window. God my back hurts. I guess that's what I get.

Nine people living in a two bedroom house doesn't afford much room for comfort; with that being said soon after we moved in I found myself sharing a mattress on the floor beside the washing machine with Brooke. It's been two nights since she's been gone though. I stayed up last night and waited, … when I fell asleep at 4 there was still no sign of her. Knowing Brooke she probably crashed at her boyfriend Joe's house. Not to say that our sleeping arrangement is at all ideal, but I miss her next to me. I miss the way that she cuddles into my chest in her sleep and tucks her head under the crook of my neck. It's been two nights without her. Two, very long nights. I do my best to try to not worry.

I hit the ground with a thud as I roll off the bed. Luckily the journey to the floor only lasted a few inches. (The mattress is kind of thin). Groaning I pull on a shirt and head to the kitchen where I find Haley rocking Jenny on her hip. The babys arms are haphazardly laid at her side as she allows the older girls voice to lull her to sleep. Jenny is such a good baby.

"Hey, morning Luke." Hales says when she notices me entering the room. "Sleep aright?" Concern is strewn across her face.

Leaning back I check my reflection in the glass and am automatically taken aback by what stares back at me. A man with tired sunken eyes… I cannot remember the last time that I shaved and stubble is now protruding from every which angle.

"I'm fine." I answer too quickly. "Hey um, have you seen Brooke by chance?" Hopefully Haley has heard something. She usually makes it a point to at the very least check in.

Haleys brow furrows. I can tell that she is trying to drudge up the last time that she had actually seen Brooke.

"No, I don't think I've seen here since Thursday… and what's it today, Sunday?"

"Yeah." I sigh as I lean against the refrigerator. Maybe Peyton's seen her. Joe, Brookes boyfriend deals to her. You'd figure that Peyton would get hooked up through Jake but he's not into all of that stuff. He only "distributes" pot… something about avoiding time for "hard drugs" although it would up his street cred.

I watch Haleys hand play gentle little circles playing on Jenny's back. My eyes seem to focus on the scars that decorate her wrists. Some old, others new. When she notices that I am looking quickly she pulls her wrist down to her side.

"Where are Jake and Peyton?" I ask although that it is not out of the normal for any given one of us to have Jenny.

"Peyton, god I don't think that shes slept in like three days. Anyhow she SAID that she is working at the diner, but you know Peyton, and Jakes at the auto shop. Rachel and Chris are sleeping. They were up all night doing whatever it is they do like Nathan and I don't hear them."

Somehow it worked that Nathan and Haley share the master bedroom with Rachel and Chris who are/aren't a couple. It depends on the week, the weather, who else is available… you never know with those two. Anyhow, Jake, Peyton, and Jenny took the other bedroom although neither can quite fit its inhabitants comfortably. Finally Brooke and I ended up by the washer and dryer on a mattress on the mudroom floor.

"Ey." Nathan says entering the kitchen clad in basketball shorts. He places a kiss on Haleys head and gently greets Jenny before heading over to the cupboard. In true Nathan fashion he pulls out a bottle of scotch and pours it in an empty glass.

Yup, this is a typical morning. Not even noon and Nathan's drinking, Peytons off probably doing lines somewhere, Rachel and Chris are nowhere to be found, and Brooke is missing. I guess everyone lives a different commonplace huh?

Without warning the door slams open and then shut. A huddled form rushes past us and then slams the door of the mudroom. Brooke.

Haley and Nathan look at me with the same worried expression.

"I swear one day I'm going to kick that guys ass." Nathan grumbles into his drink. That guy he is referring to is Joe, Brookes boyfriend.

"You want me to go?" Haley offers.

I shake my head "no",

"You stay and watch Jenny. I'll get it this time."

With supportive glances from Nathan and Haley I make my way over to the mudroom door. I don't hear any movement inside. Gently I push the door open.

"SHIT LUCAS, don't you ever fucking KNOCK!" Brooke screeched as she tried to cover her bare chest. She had been changing her shirt.

As my eyes travel her black and blue abdomen and arms my stomach lurched. Stopping momentarily I take particular interest in the bruises encircling her wrists. Almost not daring to look any further I allow my eyes to travel up to her face… it's not as bad as it has been. Her left eye is black and a big yellowish bruise is beginning to form, dimple to chin.

"Brooke." I whisper sliding into room shutting the door behind me.

"Don't Luke." She says slipping on her shirt with ease despite the bruises.

"Brooke!" I try to reach for her shoulder. She pushes away from my touch.

"Damnit Luke, I said DON'T!" She screams her eyes flash with anger, behind that anger is something that I cant read.

"Was it Joe again?" I ask gently

"Was it Joe again?" She mocks me incredulously as she offers and empty chuckle. "What's your deal Luke? It's like you wouldn't get your rocks off pushing a girl around," she approaches me. As her chest grinds against mine I can feel her hot breath on my neck " you don't think about pinning my hands above my head on the mattress, pulling hmy hair as you ride ride" she whispers huskily.

"No."

Without warning she retreats against the dryer and crosses her arms in a huff.

"What is it with you? You think your better than everyone else?" Her eyes wont make contact with mine as her voice becomes small and childish. Anxiously she taps her foot.

"No." I answer again honestly. "I think you're better though."

My heart brakes for her. She has so much potential, and shes smart as a whip but she just needs to realize it. Sometimes I think that my mom must have started out like Brooke. Young, and naïve with no sense of self worth. The girl that will let a guy do as they please with her until they put her six feet under. Loose wisps' of hair frame her face as she finally looks up at me.

"Thanks Luke." She gives me a small smile. She flinches a bit, I can tell that it hurt her because of the bruise on her cheek.

I want to scream at her that she is better than them. What she lets these men do to her. Before I can utter another word she excuses herself from the room. I notice her purse lying on the bed. It was open a bit, so I peeked inside. Rolled up twenty's.

She comes home after almost three days beaten from head to toe with scratches all over her body and a wad of cash. I knew it. He's fucking pimping her out.

That night I fell into a restless sleep thankful to have Brooke beside me. Memories flooded my head. Memories that I want nothing more than to forget.

"_You bastard!" Twelve year old Lucas Scott took another blow to the head_

"_Dad, stop! STOP!" Nathan screamed from the kitchen_

_Both boys were crying. This had been going on for hours. Their dad came home from the bar drunk as a skunk and of course took it out on them._

"_Oh what Nathan, you want to be a man?! Huh. You want to stand up for your brother?" He screamed as he served Luke another severe blow to the cheek_

"_Dad, come on, stop! He never did anything to you!" Nathan yelled back_

"_Boy you wanna be a man, YOU WANNA BE A MAN?!" He tossed Luke aside like a rag doll "Come on. Man." He provoked Nathan poking him in the chest. _

_Nathan sunk under his fathers touch_

"_What boy, I thought you was gonna be a man? Where's your balls at boy?!" He asked slapping Nathan in the head_

_Nathan looked the man dead in the eye_

"_**I hate you."**__ He spoke through gritted teeth_

"_What was that you said boy?" Dan asked stepping toward Nathan as he reached for the smaller boys shirt collar. _

"_I said I hate you. And I aint your boy." Nathan said again_

_From there it all seemed to happen so fast. Dan had Nathan on the kitchen floor kicking and punching him, and then his hands were around Nathans neck._

"_Dad stop! You're killing him! Dad! DAD!" Lucas cried as he watched his father chocking his twin brother._

_Nathan was chocking and gasping for air._

"_Dad!" Lucas screamed again. He wasn't listening_

_It was then that little Lucas Scott reached up on the counter and grabbed the knife that their mom had been using to cut up the vegetables for dinner. Without a second thought he stabbed his father in the back three time… as blood escaped from Dans mouth and a loud yelp came from the man he fell on top of Nathan. _

"_Shit." Lucas mumbled backing against the wall. Nathan slid out from under his father as he gasped for air. _

"_Lucas, Nathan, what's going on here?" Karen asked rushing down the stairs._

_.too late._

_She herself also wore bruises from the hands of their father._

_There were sirens coming close. _

_Without emotion Karen leaned over her husband, and without warning clutched the knife in his back and twisted it. _

_The two boys gasped at the sight. _

"_Go." She ordered them finally_

"_But Ma your fingerprints-" Nathan started_

"_They're gonna think yo-" Lucas tried_

"_GO!" Karen screamed again as the sirens came even closer_

_Lucas grabbed his brother from off the floor and the two took off into the night with only the clothes on their backs. _

_Karen is now serving 25 to life for the murder of Dan Scott_

_It was the only thing that she could do for her boys._

I push the thoughts out of my head as I feel Brookes back sink into my chest. She is cuddled against me like a small child as we were cocooned in the warmth of our blanket- and for a minute everything is perfect.

For a minute.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey. So next chap will be longer and peyton, jake, rachel, and chris will be introduced. Hope you all enjoyed. Please review!


	3. come dance in the silence

Hey! So. This chapter is kind of a filler to get you familiar with the characters but still a little dramatic. I didnt edit it as much as the former because i may not be able to update for a week or so and i wanted to get this out. Just to let you know this story is still being written so I welcome your ideas and opinions. Lemme know what YOU want. Anyhow. Yeah. Thanks

Jules

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**Chapter 3: Come dance in the silence**

There never seems to be anything that distinguishes the days in the life we live. It's the same old monotony.

"What else do we need?" Peyton asked as she pushed the cart down the isle of the grocery store.

We go shopping about once every two weeks and it is always a huge ordeal. We pool together whatever loose money we have and that's what we work with. Whatever Jenny needs goes first usually. Because we are on a tight budget and we have six people with six different appetites grocery shopping can get a little heated. With that being said I always opt to break off with Peyton, and Rachel. The reason? Peyton is usually strung out and people with her "habits" usually don't eat very much, and Rachel doesn't eat at all. They nonchalantly toss stuff in the basket and then that's it.

"No, NO WAY! I HATE Oreos, do you know how many calories are in those!" I hear Brooke arguing from the isle beside us

"Who care how many calories they have they're OREOS!" Nathan argues back

"How 'bout these?" Chris says as he suggests god knows what

"NO!" Both Brooke and Nathan snap in unison

I chuckle to myself.

"Lets get away from that isle before they come over here." I suggest with a chuckle as Rachel and Peyton hurry along with me away from the chaos ensuing.

We cruise the isles until Peyton stops.

"Diapers." She says pointing to our next isle. With a sigh Rachel and I venture ahead.

"Here." Rachel says tossing the first pack of diapers that she sees into the basket.

"What are you doing Rachel?" Peyton said as she snatched the diapers out of the basket

"What?!" Rachel asked completely confused as she looks between Peyton and I

"Jenny is two." I explain.

"So?"

"Those are newborn!" Peyton states as she tosses the correct size in the cart.

As we cruise the isles Jenny sits in the front of the cart munching on un-purchased potato chips kicking her legs happily as she hums herself a little song. I push the cart while Rachel walks beside me rambling a mile a minute about something about bitches and handicapped parking and Peyton walks a few paces behind us with her head crossed over her chest and her baggy eyes pointed downward.

People stare at us everywhere we go. The grocery store is definitely no exception. When they see Haley coming with the scars on her wrists and Nathan stumbling about, Jake watching out for any police that may recognize him, the bruises on Brookes body, and little Jenny caught up in all of is oblivious to everything.

Despite the stares we continue. This is my family. This is my life and if anyone has anything to say about it they'll have all of us to answer to.

Finally we meet at the register.

"All you guys got was diapers?" Jakes asks as he walks up to Peyton and places an arm around her shoulder. She is beginning to look really pale.

"Well and the chips that your daughter is eating." Rachel said glancing down at Jenny who at this point is so orange that she ACTUALLY resembles a Dorito.

We all wait impatiently in line to get rung up. I can tell that the elderly cashier is sizing us up.

"Hello, how are you doing today!" She says with an over enthusiastic overly fake smile.

Everyone mumbled something dully so quickly it made me laugh. The cashier looks at us, unamused.

"And how are you?" She begins turning specifically to Jenny. "It's a little cold to be out without a jacket isn't it?"

"Got it!" Brooke said rolling her eyes as she holds up Jennys little pink second hand coat. We are all becoming annoyed with this woman. People see young kids with a baby and automatically love to assume that she is being neglected.

"I see." The cashier now grumbles as she begins to ring up our items. "You're total is 231.31"

They all look to me who was so privileged to be in charge of the money this time.

"We only have 205...and … 23 cents." I spoke to the with a sigh. Everytime this happens.

Behind us people start to mumble, and talk, and groan.

"Alright, who the hell bought the Oreos?!" Haley asked pulling them off of the belt.

"I TOLD you not to buy those!" Brooke scoffs as she hits Nathan in the shoulder with her purse

"No way, the Oreos stay!" Nathan stops Brooke as she goes for the oreos

"Well we've got to keep the diapers." Haley reasons

"Well who else has anymore money?" Jake asks looking at the group. Then everyone becomes silent. "Come on guys!" Jake said as he tossed three dollars from his pocket onto the counter.

"Chris has a five!" Rachel offered up with a big grin

"RACH!" Chris sneers at the Red Head who was genuinely proud of her contribution

"What?" She says innocently as Chris tosses the money on the counter. "Does anyone else have any extra money?" Chris asks now angry he was put out.

"Here." The woman gasps as Brooke pulls some ones from her bra and tosses them on the counter. She looks at Brooke, and then the money in disgust.

"What, you don't want it?" Brooke challenges the woman who just took the money with a huff.

"Can you guys PLEASE hurry up!!!" A woman spoke up from the back of the line.

"OH HELL no this bitch did not!" Rachel spun around but Chris grabbed her arm.

"Guys, we need to pay before Rachel gets us banned from the grocery store." Haley says as she pulls out a few more ones.

Huffing everyone tosses whatever loose dollars and change we can find on the belt. Even Jenny threw in a quarter that she withdrew from her pocket.

"That enough?" I ask the woman with a smirk as she counts out the money.

"This will do it." She responds with a sarcastic smile. "And I forgot to add the chips." She said pointing to the bag of chips that Jenny has been munching on.

We all look at each other knowing the others are spent. Finally Brooke speaks.

"We don't want them." She grabs the chips from Jenny's hands and tosses them onto the counter.

Quickly we all make a hasty bee-line to the door before security was called.

Later that night we all lounge around the house. Jake is out on "business", and Chris and Rachel are in the bedroom doing one sex act or another so that left Me, Nathan, Hales, Peyton, and Brooke. Jenny is asleep in her play pen.

I watch as Peyton leans on the kitchen counter openly doing lines. With one last sniff she comes to join us all on the couch.

"I think Jenny is sick." She speaks up as she plops down beside Brooke and tosses her legs over her lap. Brooke is also currently getting her fingernails painted by Haley. Nathan is sitting in the arm chair, the best seat in the house, and watching a Lakers game with an entire bottle of Jack.

"Why do you think?" Haley asks looking at Peyton with concern.

"Well she has been throwing up since we got back from the grocery store, and her head was a little warm when I put her down." Peyton lets her head slump on Brookes shoulder.

"It was probably all of those Doritos." Brooke suggests

Just then Jenny lets out a wail from the bedroom.

"I'll go get her." I offer immediately

"No, I got it." Peyton said as she stands

"No, really, I don't mind." I try again

Peyton shoots me a glazy glare.

"I said I have it." She says again and then heads to the bedroom to get Jenny.

We all exchanged glances. Sometime ago we had all kind of made a pact not to leave Peyton with Jenny alone while shes on something or using. There were a few incidents, Jenny being left in her crib screaming and crying for hours, Jenny falling from her highchair because Peyton left it wide open. All of that though has since been forgiven. She is really trying and genuinely loves her child.

Peyton emerges from the room with Jenny who is rubbing her eyes, groggy from sleep.

"Hey Jenny Bear." I say as my god daughter reaches for me and Peyton resettles on the couch. I lay a kiss on her forehead. "Yeah, she does seem a little warm." I agree with Peyton.

There is suddenly a low buzzing in an otherwise quiet room. It's Brookes phone.

"Hey." She says in a small voice as she exit's the room in an attempt to continue her call privately, but we all knew who it was. A few moments later she comes back in dressed, and with her purse.

"Where are you going Tigger?" Haley asks looking up at Brooke.

"I'm running over to Joes." She speaks simply

Nathan grunts. Nobody has spoken about the incident earlier this week since it happened. Although we knew better I guess that we all hoped she was done with him.

"Got something to say Nate?" Brooke shoots across the room at him.

"You already know." Nathan speaks not taking his eyes away from the tv.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay? I movie is about to come on… It might be a chick flick or something." I try

"And besides, your nails arent dry!" Haley adds

Brooke looks around the room. We are coming on too strong.

"Goodnight guys. I'll be home tomorrow." She promises as she exits the house.

I watch her go knowing full well that I may not see Brooke again for days. If Jenny weren't asleep on my stomach I would chase her myself and carry her back inside. I've done it before, but now I just don't have the energy. So now all that I can do it watch her go and hope that this time will be different.

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Next chapter is going to be Brookes POV so look out for it. 


	4. not for the faint of heart mature

Hey guys! Yes long time no story... going on the third computer in the course of a year so yeah. Anyhow this is all outlined it is just a matter of getting it all up on their ancient machine than I am currently working on. Even though my computer has been down I have been writing free hand so I just have to rewrite/transfer things over. Anyhow this chapter has MATURE THEMES however it's also BRUCAS, and Brookes POV as promised. Anyhow let me know how you like it. I'm writing The Anatomy of a Catastrophe as well but for some reason I have a special fondness to this story... probably because I am a fan of the angst. Let me know what ya think!

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**warning: this chapter contains mature contents

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**Chapter 4: "Not for the faint of heart"**

I know what they think about me. They think that I'm nothing but a common uneducated slut that crawls into guys beds at night and do lines of coke off their chests because that's the whore that my daddy brought me up to be- and that's okay with me, know why? It proves that they know nothing about me. They don't know how I got into this life and they don't know that it won't be my forever.

"What the fuck are you doing get in the fucking car woman!" I hear Joe scream.

I scurry to the car before he has to hop out and drag me in it himself. Sliding into the passenger's seat I can already smell the stench of whiskey on his breath. His fingernails are black and gritty as he grips the steering wheel.

"You look good tonight." His eyes creep over my body, stopping at my chest and working their way back down again.

I stay silent as I we slowly pull away. Lucas is in the window watching. His face is fixed in a scowl.

"We going back to your place?" I ask Joe as I help myself to a cigarette that he passes me, along with a flask.

"Uh huh." He grunts out. "We gonna have us a party tonight." He grins wickedly at me. I know what a party to him means.

"I- I'm still kinda beat from last week. I don't know what I'm down for." My indignation is quiet but no secret.

I take a long drag of my cigarette and wash it down with the whiskey from the flask. The burning feeling of the alcohol is welcome as it slides down my throat and settles in my stomach.

"Now I ain't never made you done anything to didn' want to do baby, now did I?" Joe asks as he snakes his filthy hand around my knee.

Well he never made me climb into bed with anyone but he'd sure beat the crap out of me if I didn't.

"No, you didn't Joe."

Not to long after we left my house we pull up at a run down old trailer in the middle of the woods. He gets out and opens the door for me in such a gentlemanly matter it makes my stomach churn.

"You first my lady." As he steps up onto the porch and holds the door open for me.

I cringe as I step inside. The place is more filthy than usual. There are about three other girls there. They are all with Joe the same way I am, except that I am his number one… I'm the one that's his "girlfriend" or so he says. I don't know how I ended up being the one with that said honor, but whoever bestowed it upon me can have it back and the bruises to go along with it.

Everyone was already paired up, well everyone who was there for "that" at least.

"You want a drink?" Joe asks

He's actually being sweet tonight, or as sweet as he can be.

"Yeah, thanks."

About an hour later I am regretting the fact that I ever took that drink from him. I find myself hazy standing against the wall which at that point was the only think stopping me from hitting the floor.

"Woah there girly." Joe quipped as he takes me into his arms and drags me back to his bedroom… I know what's coming next.

With a thud we fall back onto his mattress and as soon as we are horizontal his lips are on my neck. In disgust I try to push away from him only to be backhanded across my face.

"You know better than to fight it cunt" He wraps him hand around my throat forcing me further into the mattress.

I try to be strong. I try to hold it all in but I feel tears slipping down my cheeks. As he releases my neck he quickly undresses.

"Take off your clothes" he orders.

Only for a minute do I hesitate because as soon as I think to pull back does he again raise his hand to me.

"Them panties too, take 'em off."

I do as I'm told and feel naked and vulnerable infront of him. I don't know how I got in this position. You'd figure after the first time a girl would have stopped, she would have been smarter.

Forcefully he spreads my legs with his thighs and I feel him shove his fingers into me. I yelp in pain earning myself a slap in the face, although he's chuckling. Harder and harder he works his fingers into me as tears slide down my cheeks.

Against my will my body begins to respond to him and I try to suppress an low moan. As I throw my head back I push his chest trying to get him off of me but my body is confusing my mind as my resolve begins to wear away.

"You like it slut?" He growls in my ear. I whimper at his closeness to me. "You like it. Tell me you like it."

I don't respond and as soon as I again earn another blow to the face for my disobedience the door cracks open.

Only for a second a crack my eyes open to see someone who I never expected.

"What you doing in here?" He asks, his eyes fixed on me.

I try to cover myself in embarrassment but Joe slaps my hands away.

"I'm gettin' mine, what's it look like? This aint no book club!" Joe hisses

My ears perk up at what happens next.

"How much?" He asks

"Uh uh." Joe said, "I'm already this far into it, I ain't gonna stop and hand it over now."

I feel like I'm going to be sick. He hasn't even had the decency to take his fingers from inside me. He leaves me splayed spread eagle like a rag doll in front of him.

"I didn't say you had to give her up, don't mean that I can't join though. I've had my eye on this one for awhile."

"Oh yeah?" Joe asks as he begins to, once again, work his fingers in and out of me.

Again against my will my cheeks flush and my breathing becomes ragged.

"Well come on in then. An' shut the damn door, I ain't tryna share anymore tonight."

The new man moves around the bed and stands in front of me. I look him in the eye begging him not to but his eyes are cold and uncaring.

"Please don't. Chris-"

"Shut up slut. I'm not going to be your bitch like Lucas. Now shut up and stick to what your good at."

I considered him my friend. Chris Keller, he lives with me. I only thought that he acted sleezy to try to be cool… I had no idea.

He stripped of his clothes and soon was back in front of me with his dick in my face.

"You know what to do." Is all he says as he strokes my cheek.

Before I know it with Chris in my mouth Joe plunges into me almost splitting me in two… that is when I float out of my head again.

The next morning I wake up completely disoriented. Joe is still inside me. He always makes me sleep like that- I don't even know how he keeps it in there but he manages. One of my legs is splayed across his waist, and his hand is holding in there as his face is nuzzled in my chest in such a grotesque fashion that my nipple is almost in his mouth.

The one saving grace in the sad state of things this morning is that Chris is nowhere to be found.

"I was waiting for you to wake up." Joe hisses in my ear.

Before I know it I am once again on my back being mercilessly pounded into over and over and over again until he is spent.

I wait until he passes out again before I slip out of bed. My body aches as I pull myself to my feet. It's not as bad as it has been, but it's not good. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and new bruises are showing where others were just starting to fade.

Despite the cuts and bruises that I suffered and the relentless throbbing between my legs I propel myself onward toward home. I try to push out of my mind the way that Joe had held me down as he watched Chris take me… the way that the both of them­…- I don't even want to think about it.

Before I make it home I have to stop twice to get sick in the bushes. It is only then that I realize that I had pulled on one of Joes old Marbol cigarette t-shirts instead of my own.

With a sigh of relief I reach the door. I have long since shed my shoes and it has begun to rain.

"Shit!" I curse myself as I realize I forgot my key.

Furiously I search under the rocks of our mud covered flower bed overturning everything in my sigh with the hope of finding that key.

Suddenly I loose the will to look any further. Have you ever just felt so hopeless that you give up on everything around you? I collapse to the ground my body wracked with sobs not caring that I am barefoot or wearing a shirt six times to big for me or that I am in a puddle of mud. In this moment I want nothing more than for the mud to swallow me down into the ground and to just forget the fact that I ever existed

With that thought in mind I feel a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around me from behind. I jump at the feeling of someone skin against mine.

"Stop, get off me, get off me!" My body goes into panic mode, but they don't let go. "Stop!" I frantically kick my legs and then swing myself around so that I am beating them in the chest.

"Ssshhh."

… his voice automatically soothes me.

"Hey there pretty girl."

**Lukes POV:**

I try to force a smile back down at her. I try not to blatantly look at the bruises over her body, but it is hard to see much else.

Her hair wet and stringy from the rain is splayed all over her head and her lips are blue from the cold. The shirt she is wearing is clinging to her skin from the storm and her feet are splattered and caked in mud… but when she looks up at me with a new bruise forming around her eye and her lips pursed together so tightly her dimples appear well, even then she is the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen.

* * *

Although I totally understand the fact that they are over they are still one of my favorite couples to write. What'd ya think about Chris? There's a whole storyline planned around that "situation" because keep in mind he lives in the house. Review? Kthanx.

~Adios!


	5. The only living boy in New York

**so it's been a minute... :/ more of Anatomy of a Catastrophe coming as soon as I finish up the part I'm working on!**

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Chapter 5: "The only living boy in ****New York****"**

***~ 5 years ago ~***

**"**_I'm tired!" Thirteen year old Nathan Scott whines to his twin brother as they trudge down the road. _

_"Come on you pansy. We don't have much further." _

_ Although I was considerably smaller and quieter than my brother, I was the leader of the two since the day we left home. _

_ It had been about a year since we were forced out of our home. We heard from a cousin who we'd been staying with that our mom was serving time for the murder of our father- a murder that we committed. _

_ We had been on the road for about two months. At night we would sleep in shacks along the road or hang a tarp that Nathan had snatched from the hardware store and would toss it over the branch of a tree to make a tent. I would call us "Tom and Huck" jokingly, Nathan never got it. _

_"Whadda ya mean we don't have much further? You don't even know where we're going!" Nathan screams from behind me. _

_ I paid his brother no mind as we pressed on. We had hopped on a bus from Tree Hill and had somehow ended up in __Long Island__, __New York__. It had been easy for us to get lost in the city if or when anyone would look for us. We had been following backroads and hitch hiking for almost three weeks. _

_"I'm not walking any further until you tell me where in the HELL we're at!" Nathan spat at me as he let his sack fall to the ground._

_ Sensing that Nathan was no longer behind me I spun around. Nathan had stopped clear in the middle of the road and was now sitting on his sack taking swigs from his flask. _

_"Nathan, quit drinking and come on!" I urged my brother._

_ Nathan sighs as he wipes sweat off his forehead._

_"Look," He begins "we've been walking near six hours, I've nearly run holes in my shoes and we haven't eaten. I saw a pond just over that hill when I went to piss- sun's gonna set soon. I think we should just crash there for the night." He tries to reason_

_ I sigh knowing that my brother is more stubborn than not when it comes to most things in life. I would save my energy for a battle that mattered a little more. _

_"Fine." I roll my eyes as I submit to my brother and follow him over the hill toward the water. _

_ Once over the hill I had to admit that maybe we had made a good decision. The water was beautiful and the breeze coming from it served to cool their skin on the scorching summer day. _

_ Before either of us knew it we had drifted off to sleep by the lake. Lord knows how long later that I was woken by a "thump" to my foot. Startled, I jump to my feet only to come nose to nose with someone else. _

_ Alarmed, my eyes catch that of a brown eyed girl just inches away from me. She only looked troubled for a moment before she smiled and quirked a brow at me. _

_"Well, well, aren't we a little jumpy?" She teases taking a step back from me _

_ Only when she steps back did I get a full view of what is to this day the most beautiful face that I've ever seen. At a loss I can feel my expression go blank and my cheeks flush and forming words were out of the question._

_"Cat got your tongue?" She asks playfully as she lets her eyebrow rest back on the proper place on her forehead. Swiftly she takes a swig of Nathans flask who was, like myself, standing beside me completely awestruck by the girl._

_"I'm Nathan." Nathan speaks up holding his hand out to the girl not to shake it, but retrieve his flask._

_"I'm Brooke." She spoke smoothly. My knees melted at the raspy tone of her voice. "And you are?" She asks turning toward me. _

_"I'm Luke." I finally speak up although my voice cracks. _

_"Nice to meet you Luke." She said shaking my hand. _

_ My fingers burn at her touch. I wonder if she feels it too. From the look in her eyes I hope she does, but maybe it's just wishful thinking. _

_"What're you all doing out here?" She asks _

_"Traveling." Nathan speaks up_

_ She glances from the bags then back to Nathan and I._

_"Looks like you're running to me." She presses "Where to?" I can see her relax a little_

_"I don't know yet." Nathan confesses as he takes another swig of his flask _

_"Doesn't sound like you guys are from here." She comments. _

_"__North Carolina__." I inform her. "Is it just you?" I muster the courage to ask_

_ As she shakes her head "no" her brown hair glistens in the sun._

_"Is it just you?" She questions_

_"Yeah. We're brothers."_

_"Nice." She smirks. "I like brothers."_

_ It wouldn't be until years later after Jorge and Eddie, Tim and Al, and Scott and Rex did I realize how much she meant that. _

_"So, you said you're not alone?" Nathan asks more confidently than I ever could. _

_ She pauses for a second, mulling something or another over in her head. _

_"Like I said before, looks like you all are running from something." She states rather than asks. _

_ I turn to Nathan who takes another swig of his flask as he shrugs._

_"Isn't everyone?" I counter_

_ Slightly amused she cocks her brow at me with a full smile this time as she allows her deep set dimples to emerge. My heart in turn skipped a beat. _

_"I guess so." Suddenly she spins on her heels. "Come on." She doesn't even turn to see if Nathan and I are following her, although we do so dejectedly. _

_ Where she leads us isn't far. It's to a clearing just down the lake from where we slept._

_"Everybody!" Brooke howls as we trudge through the grass. _

_ "Everybody" as she called them turn her direction._

_"Guys, this is Peyton and Jake." She gestures to a boy and girl about our age sitting on the edge of a dock. _

_ Peyton smiles and waves kindly with her hand that she wasn't busy sketching with. She had a youthful glimmer in her eyes as her blonde curls bobbed at her shoulders. Jake smiled and also held up a hand but quickly went back to spinning a basketball between his knees. _

_"Hey!" I respond returning a small wave. Nathan doesn't speak but gestures his flask at them and much to my surprise Peyton does the same in return. _

_"And this is Haley." Brooke points in the other direction to a girl, much too small for her age, perched on a tree branch. _

_ She smiles timidly at me and lets her eyes lock on Nathan as his do the same. Brooke and I snicker to ourselves at the exchange. Haley, to describe her, was plain at best. I totally would not have pegged her Nathans type but he surprises me. _

_"And this" Brooke glares at the red head that came over and draped her arm over her shoulder "is the resident skank Rachel Gattina."_

_"Your's truly." Rachel confirms shaking both of our hands. "And you are?"_

_ Before we could speak Brooke speaks up for us. _

_"This is Lucas and Nathan. They're with us now._

** Lukes POV:**

It's been two days since I found Brooke in the front yard. She hasn't come out of the room at all… she hasn't even eaten anything.

It has been bad before, but something is different this time. This time she seems more withdrawn, more distant. All that I want is for her to open up and let me know what's going on. I wont judge her and I wont yell at her- well not much. She's just hurting, everyone is.

For about the past two hours I've been watching her sleep. Last night she woke up in a fit of tears and began beating her fists against my chest and flailing in my arms. When she finally came out of it she was covered in sweat and consumed by sobs. Haley and Rachel came in. It took all three of us to calm her down. When everything settled down all three girls ended up passed out on the mattress and I laid on the floor nearby.

There was a gentle knock on the door when Haley peeked her head in.

"Hey, you got a minute?" Haley asks.

"Yeah." I follow her out to the living room so that our talking wouldn't wake Brooke. "What's going on?" Haleys face is etched in worry.

"Peyton still isn't home and lord knows where Jake is and Jenny still has this raging fever." Haley explains

"I tried everything-" Nathan speaks up as he emerges from the kitchen with the lethargic looking baby "I gave her medicine, I rocked her, Hales sang to her, we gave her a bath."

"How long has Peyton been gone?" I ask as I slump at the dining room table with my head in my hands doing everything in my power not to succumb to the sleep threatening to creep up on me.

"She left sometime yesterday morning." Nathan says joining them at the table. "Hales and I have been watching her ever since."

"I guess that I just missed it with everything going on with Brooke." I sigh

"You've been taking good care of her man." Nathan assures me. "I just don't know what's keeping her- I mean I thought that she just went out to score."

Right then the door slams open and shut and a frantic, anxious looking Peyton bounds into the room.

"Hey you guys, what's going on, I thought you'd all be sleeping- what's it like 7 am?" Peyton rambles off.

Her hands are shaking and her eyes are blood shot.

"It's six, in the evening." Haley corrects her. "… the sun's about to go down."

"Up, down, it almost the same right? Looks like I lost track of time."

Despite the fact that you could see that she was a little hazy in the head she was as giddy as a school girl.

"Jenny's still got a fever." Nathan speaks up.

"Yeah?" Peyton says with a smile as she roughly places her hand on the baby's forehead. "Look at that she does. Maybe I should take her to the doctor or something."

"Not like that you can't" I try to stop her.

"Who the hell are you to tell me that I can't take my sick kid to the hospital?" Peyton suddenly snaps as she goes to grab Jenny from Nathans arms.

That is the way that addicts go. They can go from one extreme to another. One minute Peyton is the happiest girl alive and everything is sunshine and roses but in the blink of an eye it's gone.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Nathan backs away from Peyton almost stumbling over his chair and falling backwards. "You're not taking her anywhere like that!"

"Like hell I'm not! Give me my fucking daughter Nathan!" Peytons breathing becomes heavy and her eyes dart from side to side.

"Come on Peyton, Luke will take her." Haley looks to me for help.

I nod although I am reluctant to leave Brooke. Nathan passes off Jenny to Haley as he and Peyton continue their argument in the dining room. At this point I think that Peyton may have forgotten what they are even arguing about.

I follow Haley to the master bedroom where Rachel is sleeping.

"What's going on?" Rachel asks groggily as she sits up and reaches for Jenny. "Holy shit, she's burning up!"

"I think she needs to go to the hospital, like now!" Haley says as she throws on a jacket.

Rachel, clad in a bra and panties, climbs out of bed and reaches for a pair of mini shorts and a white halter top.

"Ready?" She asks as she heads toward the bedroom door with Jenny.

"Wait!" I step between the red head and the door

"What's wrong Luke?" Haley asks from where she stands behind Rachel with her arms crossed impatiently

"Peyton is freaking out right now! Do you really think that she is going to let us just walk out of the house with her daughter? She's strung out, she's not thinking rationally!" I try to reason with them

"Well then what the hell do we do?" Haley questions

My eyes dart to the window. Luckily our house, though shack would be more appropriate, only has one floor.

"I should have just stayed asleep." Rachel mutters.

And out we go.

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**Funny thing about this "flashback" is that I had written the scene where they met on one of my old computers that crashed and in my opinion it was considerably better, or maybe I'm just bitter that I dont have it anymore. That's why the chapter pretty much goes between two different "scenes" or "times" It just sucks when I was so far along with so many projects, both current and new works, and I have to go and back track on everything. It just makes it that much harder to get things up and posted but please bear with me while I try to get all of these stories sorted out. **

xoxo Jules


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